The Plural of Mrs.

Pick for Your Friends

2012-01-24T18:29:00.000-08:00

OK, so two points to start with-
#1- we are more than able to afford the adoption/foster process in our state, its cheap and we intentionally waited to begin until our finances were stable and plentiful.
#2- We have lots of friends and family who are far away and want to help. I can't seem to figure out how to have them "help" us prep our house for inspection, etc.

So, Len and I have been discussing the material aspects of the early stages of parenthood. There are lots of things to buy in preparation for kidlettes and our friends keep asking and offering . . .

So what do we do?
Option #1
Have a baby shower for an undetermined child? I don't like showers so much and I think it would be really weird to have a party for an unspecified child, also i think our friends would just use it as an excuse to party . . . wait, maybe this isn't such a bad idea.

Option #2
Thank people for their offer and that's that. Yeah, but when I sent my new nephew a onsie I embroidered for him, I felt really special and honored when his mama and papa posted a picture of him wearing it on FB (thanks L and N!). AAAAnnd some of the adults I was closest too as a kid, were folks who I could associate with something they had sent me. Materialistic? Yes. My mom and I lived far away from our family and that black cat doll my auntie sent me- meant the world to me and I cuddled her whenever aunt barb and I talked on the phone. In fact, now when I think about how I know my aunty loves me that stuffed animal is the first thing that comes to mind. I want all of my friends to have to opportunity to celebrate and show there love to our kiddo(s) and yes, I'm ok if that means my child might one day see Jen and think "This is Tia Jenny Rush- she bought me my sleeping bag"

Option #3
Start a "baby" registry when Layna had her BeastieBoy, CCM and I helped put together the baby registry. It was kind of fun. It was also SUPER FUN to check and see what people had bought (I like presents, what can I say) However, if any of you saw Len and I's wedding registry you know that we are not so talented and have a hard time taking such things seriously (we put things like toilet paper and 53 dvds on our registry)

Option #4
Kickstarter/fundraising- I am not holding an adoption fundraiser like the goddlies do. Nope, nope, nope. I am, however, considering Len's idea to start a page that lets people know what we need and how much those things cost, I like that it also allows them to give us handmedowns of items and lets us name the wierd things that foster parents need that are different from what birth parents may need ex. we don't need a breast pump, we do need to remove our shower doors.

SO those are my thoughts right now. Maybe i'll let you know where things land.

Meanwhile-
we're three classes in
PSMAPP stands for "Partnering for Safety and Permanence Model Approach for Partnerships in Parenting"
we are awaiting our CPR and first aid cards
we meet with our new family specialist in 6 days

The Excitement

2012-01-03T13:31:00.000-08:00

Glitter, sparkles, hot-cha-cha (not that kind, the innocent kind! geesh, you people!)!!!!!

That's how I feel right now. We've been stressing about wether or not we are worthy, if our family will pass the muster, if our sketches of the house are pretty enough, so much stressing- when today I got a phone call that said "don't worry, be happy, be excited- this is a fun thing."

Our classes start tomorrow. At some point, I'll remember the name and acronym for the classes, but not today. Today I will tell you how awesome it feels to have someone call me and say "Hey! You start classes tomorrow! Are you excited? Do you have any questions?" The caller (from the agency, not just a random motivator, but that would have been awesome too, in it's own creepy way) offered huge releif and made me feel . . .
Supported.

And that's a pretty big deal.

Only a touch of frustration

2011-12-22T08:20:00.001-08:00

So, you know that thing when you write a long reflective piece, give it a few edits, start to really like it, and then your computer decides the battery is dead? Yeah, that happened with the first version of this post. But I'm not that annoyed. My front yard smells like a campfire, my kitchen is full of leftovers, and nobody lit themselves on fire last night (at least not at my house). All of this speaks of a very successful solstice and puts me in quite a holiday spirit.

Our first home visit was kind of funny. Both our family specialist and E. were very nervous. I can understand Len's nervousness- I was there all talkie-McTalking and she was probably terrified I'd say the very wrong thing and our house was in a bit of disrepair. But why was the caseworker so nervous? She always seems a little anxious around us. No, I don't think it has anything to do with our "family structure" or any prejudice on her part. I think that most of her caseload is families that only speak spanish. During this visit, she kept saying "I've been speaking Spanish all day." Switching languages can be unsettling. I have wondered if she was given our case because of our last names, just like why I never get credit card offers is English and why telemarketers are so confused when Len tells them she doesn't speak spanish. The family specialist is perfectly competent in English so may that's not why she's antsy around us . . . I will continue to observe and let you know when I reach a more final conclusion.

Anyway, the poor thing had been meeting with families all day and we were scheduled for the afternoon. Unfortunately, her arrival coincided with the ruckus that is school dismissal. One of my favorite things about our house is that we live right across from a big highschool. Twice a day the whole world of hoodies, hairdos, and pumped up stereos descends onto our street. I love the laughter, yelling, honking, and music. I really love getting to see the "fashions." But, for someone trying to physically get to our house via car- that is the worst time of day. And of course we had all the windows and doors open and the sound leaked into the house. She kept looking around her, a little like a kitten experiencing simultaneous fear and curiousness.

She walked us through tons of paperwork and then walked through our house.

The house walk through was a little embarrassing, but motivated me toward my "January= conquer the house" goal. So really, not a big deal.

The paperwork however, is the same obbs and gobbs of paperwork we filled out before, but this time with some new and frustrating gramatical ambiguities. Overall filling out the whole packet is quite a production in our house. I'm not so good with writing things in little boxes, I get numbers confused, I write the wrong letters in the wrong places, I have a very hard time reading and understanding the directions- Len has to reread and double check every paper I do. Its a bunch of blah.

But not so bad. What's really bad is the questions.

Here, you give it a try.

FUN BLOG QUIZ FOR YOU!
"As a child, did you get along well with them?"
(nope, you don't get to know who "them" is?)

"What rules cannot be broken in your house?"
(ummm . . . yeah think about it for a moment. Len said "gravity?")

"How are foster care and adoption different?"
(this one appeared to be a pop quiz thrown in the middle of listing who you lived with from age 2 and 8 months until 4 and 7 months)

"What are your concerns?"
(ok, if you're an anxious type like me, this is a very broad question and the answer involves koala bears crossing the highway and how long walnut mushroom bisque lasts in the fridge. There is no way my answer fits on the two lines provided.)

Home Interview #1 The Second Time Around

2011-12-08T13:35:00.000-08:00

So, the agency didn't meet to review our case until . . actually I don't remember the chain of events. But, I do remember getting a call at work last week. i was in the middle of a full case review and was trying to facilitate positive strategy building among 7 people who don't feel so positive about each other and at that moment weren't feeling so positive about the clients. All this to say, I was quite happy to hop up and take the call.

Our case worker (who may not stay our case worker, the agency does this weird switchy thing after your case is rolling, I haven't been able to figure out the rhyme and reason), was on the other end, all quiet and timid like she is. She said- "I just wanted to let you and Elena know we've decided to move forward with your case." (See! There's that phrase again!) She's said it too quiet and too not-excited. I was excited.

Now I'm excited to finish up with my work day and meetings and dumb commute home (I have an afternoon meeting that makes my trip home all upside down) so that I can show this woman my terribly ripped up, mid-sink-wall-bathroom-roof-repair home.

I wonder what she'll say about the deep trench I've dug in the front yard and partially filled with wine and beer bottles? Or the broken plates stuck to the side of the house . . .

Big Day

2011-11-23T19:28:00.000-08:00

Today is the day that the adoption specialists. . . placement case workers . . . whatever they are called, met today to review our case. Today they decided whether or not to move forward. That's a pretty big deal, right?

We had a few other big happenings today- as of today, my mom officially owns a house in Phoenix. She bought a beautiful two bedroom house in a historic neighborhood right near my favorite ACE hardware in earshot of church bells and less than 2 miles from our house! Moreover it has a wonderful guest cottage that one of our favorite friends might rent. My mom will also rent out the "big house" until she decides she needs to live there. Of course the hope in our house is that she will end up keeping that property as a rental until she finds somewhere in our hood to live (we have a ridiculous amount of pride in our neighborhood, probably too much). So, today we got the keys and my mom is officially the owner of a "second home." I can't explain it, but it makes me so proud of my mother. I think about when I was little and am amazed at how hard my mother worked to make our lives wonderful. She's done a good job.

This afternoon, our executive director let me know that I have a new title. A new title and a new office for a new job. I'm excited not to be the only one focused on my field, I'm excited to have only one job, I'm excited to take on this new role. It feels like finding a peaceful place in my career.

Also, today we were scheduled to find out about a major shift with our credit cards, we haven't heard back on this. Fingers still crossed.

Another thing we haven't heard about yet- the adoption. She said that she probably wouldn't call until Monday (in Phoenix, most places let out early today) but I was hoping we'd hear today. Either way, I know the decision has already been made. We'll know where things are headed by next week.

If all of today's good news in any indication- we'll be fine.

The Doctor Says . . .

2011-11-15T15:08:00.000-08:00

Things you have to do to adopt that you don't have to do if you get knocked up:

-Get a Doctor's Note-
Today Len is dropping off two signed forms, both of which say she is medically and mentally sound to adopt a child. Ok, what they actually say is that her Doctor and Counselor don't have any concerns with the idea her being an adoptive parent. Yes, bio-parents should probably go to a medical practitioner at some point before obtaining their child, but there is something very funny to me about having to get a note.

Moreover, I'm amused that Len had to get not just one note but two, and I didn't have to get one at all. If you are at all familiar with our medical histories, you too will find this laughable.

Really- it's a bigger statement on how we (the America monster) regard behavioral health care. The formula was simple and ridiculous- if you have a behavioral health care professional that you consult, you have to go collecting signatures like a truant school boy (its true, Len had to dress up in shorts and straps and carry a satchel), but if you don't ever go to "see someone" about such things--> you don't need a note!

So, the fact that I'm positively bonkers goes undocumented! Phew.

Ta-Freaking-Da!

2011-11-07T13:58:00.000-08:00

Yep, it's been a year and now I have stuff to write about, happenings that I'd like to be recorded and shared. Granted, I'm not too keen on said details being around FOREVER in the internetaverse, but you my dear reader, family member, friend, are much too far away to read my journal. So this blog thing will have to suffice.

No update here- we're just going to start with today.
Ok, fine I'll update:
New house
Restarting the _Adoption_Process_ with the same agency.

Today is a monday- 6 days ago we had our second intake interview. (Remember this is the second time we are entering this process). It was a little nerverwrecking, these interviews can last for four hours and can include questions like "After a break up are you more likely to lean toward homicide or suicide?" and "How many gallons does your pool hold?" (each of these is very difficult in its own precious way). Luckily we had answered many of the difficult questions in our first go round. So this time the case worker (a new one!) was able to wrap it up in under 2 hours.

Len and I have no problem talking about ourselves for that long.
We both left feeling really good and super excited about, what I've come to think of as, "our pregnancy."

Next Step:
The case worker will present our family to the whole team for review and they will decide whether or not to move us forward

Prognosis:
The case worker was very optimistic, telling us it's very rare for a family not to be accepted if they already were before. So, here's hoping we're not rare.

Time Frame:
uh . . . I forgot to pay attention to that part. I think the meeting is scheduled for the week before Thanksgiving . . . that's next week, right?

Back on the Wagon

2010-10-24T16:07:00.000-07:00

(ooh, getting back in the habit for writing in the proper MHwB style . . . I'll steal this person's first few lines and see if that gets me going . . . is that illegal?)

"I hadn't intended on taking a break from blogging. The past few months have been full of excitement and challenges it hasn't left much time for my blog. But I know my faithful readers have missed me and I want to apologize. Here- I will try to catch you up."
(Thank you copy and paste)

A year ago, I found out my boss would be retiring and the funding for our program was shifting. This brought about a major change for me. In January, I found myself promoted to the supervisor position and for the last ten months I have been running our statewide program. I didn't necessarily want to take this new job, but at the time it was the best option all the way around.

I know it may not sound like a major career shift, but moving from educator to administrator is a crazy mindfuck. OOOPSIE! I mean "it can really through you for a loop." (Please refer to second post about rules of MHwB) With such a big change coming up, we decided it would be best to but the adoption process on hold for a bit. As I think I've mentioned before, a great thing about adopting is- even if you are 7 months in, you can still press pause and make sure everything is ready. No pesky baby bump to remind you that you haven't finished knitting those wool soakers.

Well, with the adoption on hold, new income coming in, Len's approaching graduation,and a phenomenal housing market, we decided to look for houses. We called our friend James and started on our adventure to home ownership.

Phew! This is getting to be a long post. Who knew a year could take up so much typing? :)
:p

That's enough for today, I'll leave you with that cliff hanger- It's Januray 2010- I just got a promotion and the housing market looks likes it ready to rumba . . .
hopefully you won't die from suspense before my next entry!

(ok, there I did it- kept that obnoxious MHwB super chipper tone throughout. Thanks to Lena, XY, and Layna for getting me back to writing.)

Aaaand . . . Exhale

2009-09-21T11:10:00.001-07:00

So, a month later:
On August 21st, Len and I went for our initial interview. It was long and intense, it lived up to expectations. We had to answer all sorts of questions, some about me, some about her, some about us together, some about our moms, some about our cousins, some about our exes, some about our friends. Everything.

This included the interviewer asking about mental health, asking about anxiety issues and then turning to Len "are you anxious? Are you anxious right now? You seem nervous." I love having a wife who said "Yes, I'm nervous, this process is intense." (said with a certain tone of "duh").

I realized that talking about things and people that you miss or even negative things from the past that make you think of things you miss, makes the missing a lot heavier. By the second hour, I was ready to move to Roswell to reconnect with pre-school friends.

After 3 1/2 hours of talking our intake specialist let us in on another step of the process. I'm coming to see that it's not that process is necessarily complicated like everyone says, it's more that when you're going through it, no one ever tells you the step by step. You don't learn the details of the next phase until it's upon you. So you are continually surprised. Which makes things seem convoluted and complicated.

So, back to my narrative. Our interviewer informed us that she was trying to decide wether to present our family for the month of August or wait and present us in September. The timing of this 3 1/3 super intense held in a dimly lit room with a big old one-way glass window, made either month an option.

And what does it mean to present one's family? Well, once a month the agency holds a meeting in which they look at all the new families and select which families will go forward.

If you aren't selected, this is where the whole process ends for you.

And how many families do they select each month? Is each family judged on it's individual merits? No, their not, they are compared to the other families for the month and no matter how many families are presented the agency only chooses to proceed with 2. Yep, 2.

Our interviewer knew that there were at least 12 families for August. We could wait and go with September and hope for a smaller number, but there was no guarantee. The interviewer seemed to be rooting for us, but was clearly intimidated by the 12.

Yeah. So learning that our next step was "ultimate judgment" (the moment at which someone might say "Nope, you are not suitable to parent . . there are a number of these moments in the process) didn't make the interview any less intense.

We left the august/September decision up to her.

She said she would call us on Monday and let us know what she had decided.

(have I mentioned that she's as bad about returning calls as I am?)

On Wednesday I called her.

Surprise! The agency shifted the August meeting and had made their Ultimate Decision on Monday. (OK, maybe the process is a little convoluted all by itself) Our interviewer said she held onto our case the whole meeting, trying to decide whether or not to present us. At the last moment, she went for it. And somehow, magically, of all the families presented for the month, Elena and I were one of the two chosen.

Our next step?

A home visit and another 3 hour interview.

(Which was today. I need to process it a bit -and go to lunch and the office- so I'll write about it soon. Also, I've recently realized how annoying i think blogging is, and how as a writing exercise, this blog wasn't the best tool, but now some of you are invested and reading and it is a good tool for record keeping . . . so those are my new motivations, yeah, I'm sure they'll change shortly.)

Calm

2009-08-19T17:37:00.000-07:00

Friday (two days from today) is our first interview. I'm calm. Mostly, because I don't know what to expect or what will happen.

Crossed Fingers

2009-08-07T15:15:00.000-07:00

So, I'm having a hard time not finding lots of frustration in this process.

Even right now, we're at an easy point. Just waiting till our initial interview date. But, I'm stewing over the fact that the interviewer "is having a hard time getting a hold of you." Well, yes, that's what happens when we say "we won't have cell service while we're away, but please call us at xxx-xxx-xxxx" and you proceed to call our cell numbers!!!!!

Really, why is it that when I tell people "There is no cell reception at my mother's house, they refuse to believe it?

All this ranting aside (really, people just blog to get their bad moods out without keeping themselves in check, right? or is that just me? The MHW are so much better about being consistently cheery. Must work on consistent cheer.), we have two big things coming up for our family in the next few weeks. In fact, they are on August 20th and 21st and both are big deals regarding -our-family's-future-

The First: I work for a non-profit that is primarily funded through federal grants. Grant money is running short. The other day, I asked my boss "When is a good time to start panicking about not having a job." My boss is a wonderful man, but sadly he had to reply "Umm, now would be an OK time to start." So, I started to look at jobs, particularly one in Brooklyn. The job is the perfect fit except for the fact that it's not in Phoenix. My wonderfully supportive wife, was ok with the idea of having to move. I resist. I panic about leaving PHX. I freak out about not being able to contribute etc. etc. I put off applying. Then I get a phone call inviting me to do something pretty amazing here in AZ. It's not a job offer, but it's awesome. I'm not willing to jinx myself yet, so no details. But I'm really excited.

Yes, all that build up to not tell what it is.

The Second:
August 21st is our initial interview. Here's hoping I don't come off as a baby eater.

Frustration and Confusion Commence

2009-07-13T13:51:00.000-07:00

We've sent in the pre-intake packet. Today we schedule our first (3 hour) interview. I'm a little wound up about the whole thing (not surprised, are you?). Most of my tension is just the weight of becoming a parent, but a little part of it is anxiety over the issues already popping up.

Upon reviewing our packet two major questions came up for the agency:
1- Do we understand that writing "any age" means that we would except a placement from hours old to 18?

2- Which program(s) are we interested in; foster, fost/adopt, adoption?

To address the fist question- YES. We get it and yes we'd be ok with an 18 year old. I know crazy, right? Actually wanting to house, care for, and love an older teenager. How dare we? (Do other people write: We would like a child who is 8 years, 7 months, and 16 days old please.)

And yes, I know that the needs of an infant and the needs of a teen are very different. I also know that we have lots of support and resources and willingness to figure out what our children need.

My reply (thank gd Len was the one actually on the phone giving a more polite response) "Well, you have three programs and gave us two options. And you're surprised the answer is unclear?" The form looked like this:
Which program are you interested in? ______Foster Care ________Adoption

Being most interested in the program that combines the two, we checked both.
This made sense to us, what's your problem?

I know it's really bad karma to put any negative energy toward this fist major interaction with the agency, but dear lord above!

Taking lots of deep breaths, thinking about our upcoming vacation, and knowing that things go the way they are meant to.

What age?

2009-07-01T13:19:00.000-07:00

Nearly a week later and we are about half way through the 9 page, double sided application, excuse me, I meant “Pre-Intake Packet.” Yes, still procrastinating, but now it’s less out of fear and more from over excitement. Every time I think about it I get all excited and jittery and have to get up and do something else. We are actually going to do this! We have the will and the space and the love and it will happen.

Clearly, I’m feeling very optimistic today. This weekend we had a chance to see a handful of our nieces and nephews. It was wonderful, it always is. It reminded me that we can do this. Parenthood isn’t some great mystery that I am too stupid, queer, or broke to figure out. I know it takes a lot more than love and hubris, but I think we’ll figure it out and I know we have some excellent role models.
I’ve come up with an answer to the intimidating “What is the age range of children you are interested in fostering or adopting? This question appears on the “Child Desired” page, amid what ethnicities and what gender. I think we are going to write “any age” in the space provided.
We have talked a lot about the fact that, just like with bio parenting, whatever children find us will be the children that needs us. I’ve always wanted to adopt an older child. That’s where the greatest need is, I like older kids (I like little kids too, but . . . ), and that’s the image of parenting I’ve always had. Other girls dream about the baby bulge and morning sickness, I think about growth spurts and oppositional defiant disorder. I assume at some point we will have a small child, but I don’t know if that’s how we’ll start.
But, and here’s where my doubt and fear comes in, will an older child feel comfortable in a vegetarian, queer, no TV house? Will it be too much for a pre-teen to adjust to? I think it’s easier to be the child of a gay house if it’s always been that way and you’ve never expected anything else. Of course, that comes from my own experience and lack of social awareness that extended well into my teens.

I don’t have to worry about those questions! Those are things that will get sorted out between Len, the case worker, the kid (s), and me. What I have to do now is finish up this 9-page double sided pre-intake packet.

October 4 and October 11th 2008

2009-06-24T16:43:00.000-07:00

Our wedding days!
A week of wonderful celebrations.

July 16th, 2008

2009-06-24T16:40:00.000-07:00

We attend agency orientation at a firehouse in Apache Junction. Same representative from social service provider meeting facilitates. (Which he does not normally do.) At one point he talks about the struggles he has had with one of his adopted sons. We both carry that story and talk about the nature of true parenting.

Spring 2008

2009-06-24T16:39:00.000-07:00

Katie attends a social service coalition in which a representative from the agency gives a brief presentation.

Painting our Family Tree

2009-06-24T15:55:00.000-07:00

Last night, weeks after painting the stark white trunk and branches, I finally began adding warm brown details onto the Aspen tree in southeast corner of our bedroom. It was wonderful to watch the tree begin to take life. It was only due to my responsible and loving wife that I managed to put down the paint and go to sleep. I could have spent the night adding lines and details. I had forgotten how much I love working with tiny brushes on large canvasses.

We originally put the tree on the wall to combat the homesickness we each feel from time to time. I know that as a married couple, we are supposed to be thrilled with where we currently are and constantly refer to it as "our home." We are thrilled with Az. We truly love the city (cities to be honest) we live in, but neither of us have been released from the hold of the natural beauty surrounding our childhood homes.

So, when the aspen is complete, we will be adding a maple tree to the west wall.

The arms and fingers of the tree had me thinking of "Rock-a-bye baby in the the treetops" and the todlers asleep in makeshift hammocks in Nic. I thougth about painting a room for a child (and about never, never leaving a baby asleep unattended in a treetop). Yes, we will be those Waldork parents who make sure their childs' room is properly and softly lazured, but I also hope we will allow our children to interact with their space and build there own castle. My mind continued to how one creates a room that a young teenager can claim as home without feeling the need to add posters and christmas lights.

***

My teenage bedroom was covered in Christmas lights and posters and the random doodles and notes from friends (thanks for letting me write on my walls, mom). I don't know how our landlord would feel about that.

***

So many things to think about.

This week we have to fill out our formal "pre-intake packet" with the agency. We have to do it this week so that the orientation we attended last year is still valid. I've had the packet for two weeks, Len has looked through it. I haven't yet.

Yes, I'm procrastinating. It's purely out of fear. Have you ever filled out a job, college, passport application? It's terrifiying. Could my bad handwritting and dyslexia make some reviewer cringe and decide I'm not fit to parent? What if I get the answers wrong? Which of us is applicant A, which is applicant B?

It feels like the first test in the process and I know the process will be full of tests and emotional turbulence. Those of you who helped me through the adoption of Grumio (my chihuahua) know that I do not do well with "choosing" the one . . . haha, I think at times in my life that could be said for ALOT of things . . .

That said, bio families don't have to write down what age, gender, ethnicty their ideal child would be. I'm afraid that if we answer with "any" a reviewer won't take us seriously. They won't understand that we know don't want to limit the child that needs us from finding our home.

I almost envy a certain family member for his lack of "accidentially" producing children. Nobody gave him a test to fill out beforehand.

Maybe I just need to think of this packet as some form of procreation! It's like the "magical night of conception." Or maybe that was the orientation last summer? It's was nighttime, it was hot (we live in the desert, it's always hot), and it was at a fire station.

That counts as a steamy story!
Right?

*this post was an attempt to mimic the overly emotional and simpering tone of nostalgic and reflective entries seen in a typical MHwB. The "build there own castle" makes me want to gag. I made a point to end on an ill-fitting up note. The only thing I didn't mention was our prayers for a child. They're there, I just didn't feeling like disclosing them . . . I'll have to work on that.

This blog.

2009-06-21T10:36:00.000-07:00

I would like this blog to follow the formula of the MHwB (Mormon Housewife Blog), as close as possible. These women seem to find great comfort in their blogs and be fulfilled by the writing of them, so I will aim for the same.

I've already broken one rule- my first blog wasn't titled "Welcome!!!" or "Our First Entry!!" or "Welcome Home ______!" (with the _____ being the name of family's first child). The entry didn't outline who we are or how happy we are to have you reading our blog. I may write that entry someday. I tend to worry about rules I've broken, I always have to go back and do them right.

I will try to stay on track with the other tenants:

Have you noticed the creepy "We" speak I've been using? It seems to be essential for a good MHwB to arbitrarily go back and forth between the "we" and "our" of the couple's voice, the "we" and "our" of the bigger family(not that big, "family" is still just the people who physically live in the house and are either married or derivatives of said marriage), and the "I" of the Mormon Housewife herself.
I have posted a picture of our wedding day, being affectionate, but not two affectionate, and showing off that the bride (in our case plural) made an effort to maintain modesty in the selection of our wedding gowns. I think this picture is also to prove that their is another adult in the family and the adults are actually married. Oh yes, AND that they are delighted to be married to one another. All of this is true for us, 10 points!
Use exclamation points when praising any member of the family including oneself. Got that one down!
When children arrive, post their pictures individually in the side bar. List their names and ages. If they happen to die, list deceased child as "Our Angel Baby" or "Our Angel Son" list their age as if they have not passed.
Make a list of links of your friends MHWBs. These should be close friends that you go to church with. (This one is going to be a tough one for us, the only other UU families we know are . . . I'll find something that fits the bill).
Update the blog weekly at least.
Make big announcements on the blog like "We're moving!" and "He's Getting his Liver Removed!" Reserve title "Big Announcement" for entries proclaiming your latest pregnancy.
Frequently use onomatopoeic words and (what I think of as) comic book sounds. "Ack!" " Zoom!" and "Cuckoo" are all good options.
Mention your religious beliefs in a box on the side bar.
Use pictures in almost every post. (Oh no! This one will be a real challenge. No reliable camera to transfer current pictures to computer. Do cellphone pictures count?)
Consider basic grammatic rules a suggestion develop one's own style, consisting primarily of inconsistent narrator and subject verb disagreement. Punctuation is too be used as timing cues for those who will read your blog out loud. Pronouns and nouns need not agree. And homonyms are completely interchangable.
Every few months write a deep personal disclosure entry. Something titled along the lines of "I'm Feeling Lonely Today" or "Thinking" should do the trick.

I'm sure as my obsession with MHWBs continues, I'll learn more of the doctrine, but for now, I can agree with each of these rules and will make a point to get underway with what I hope will be a comfortable and fulfilling hobby while the kids nap.

(SHIT! Forgot to have kids!)
(AH! NO SWEARING! ugh . . . already, this isn't going well.)

Why I'm here.

2009-06-21T10:16:00.000-07:00

For the past year and half or so, I've been fascinated by what I've come to think of as "The Mormon Housewife Blogosphere." (This is to say nothing derogatory of Mormons, it is only that my path to discovering housewife blogs began with a Mormon family and therefore the linked blogs I read are always also of the LDS religious persuasion.)

Distracting myself from work, I hop onto the blog of a former coworker's sister, get updates on her family and kids, learn about the renewal of her faith brought in the form of a digital scrap booking class she taught at her church, her children's new vocabulary, and her husband's new schedule in medical school. No, I've never met this family. I never even really got along with the former coworker. But this one mommy blog has change my life. OK, not really, but I have put a significant amount of time into reading and analyzing it.

About a month after reading this first Mormon housewife blog, I discovered a list of links on the sidebar titled "Our Friends." This opened a whole new world of vicarious domestic bliss.

Yes, I think I read these blogs because I am jealous and wish Len or I could be a stay at home mom. Yes, I do think derisive thoughts about these families and their willingness to post things like "Potty training mishaps! :) !!!" and "Why I Love My Women's Group." But, I also really respect something about these women. I think it has to do with their love and devotion to their families, their husbands, and god. I think that atypical families have the same devotions, but our blogs are all about cloth diapering and upcycle crafting. The Mormon housewives have discovered a way to make the blogosphere their bitch. Each cheery, cuss-less, exclamation-pointed entry shouts "I am the matriarch. I know this family. I protect this family," from women who appear to live without feminism.

Lately a few entries have popped up in the Mormon Housewife Blogosphere about "neo-feminism," "christian-feminism," and "house-wife feminism." I think these women know what power they have and they are using it how they choose to.

In honor of them, I start my own version of a Mormon Housewife Blog.