Wednesday, August 19, 2009
Calm
Friday (two days from today) is our first interview. I'm calm. Mostly, because I don't know what to expect or what will happen.
Friday, August 7, 2009
Crossed Fingers
So, I'm having a hard time not finding lots of frustration in this process.
Even right now, we're at an easy point. Just waiting till our initial interview date. But, I'm stewing over the fact that the interviewer "is having a hard time getting a hold of you." Well, yes, that's what happens when we say "we won't have cell service while we're away, but please call us at xxx-xxx-xxxx" and you proceed to call our cell numbers!!!!!
Really, why is it that when I tell people "There is no cell reception at my mother's house, they refuse to believe it?
All this ranting aside (really, people just blog to get their bad moods out without keeping themselves in check, right? or is that just me? The MHW are so much better about being consistently cheery. Must work on consistent cheer.), we have two big things coming up for our family in the next few weeks. In fact, they are on August 20th and 21st and both are big deals regarding -our-family's-future-
The First: I work for a non-profit that is primarily funded through federal grants. Grant money is running short. The other day, I asked my boss "When is a good time to start panicking about not having a job." My boss is a wonderful man, but sadly he had to reply "Umm, now would be an OK time to start." So, I started to look at jobs, particularly one in Brooklyn. The job is the perfect fit except for the fact that it's not in Phoenix. My wonderfully supportive wife, was ok with the idea of having to move. I resist. I panic about leaving PHX. I freak out about not being able to contribute etc. etc. I put off applying. Then I get a phone call inviting me to do something pretty amazing here in AZ. It's not a job offer, but it's awesome. I'm not willing to jinx myself yet, so no details. But I'm really excited.
Yes, all that build up to not tell what it is.
The Second:
August 21st is our initial interview. Here's hoping I don't come off as a baby eater.
Even right now, we're at an easy point. Just waiting till our initial interview date. But, I'm stewing over the fact that the interviewer "is having a hard time getting a hold of you." Well, yes, that's what happens when we say "we won't have cell service while we're away, but please call us at xxx-xxx-xxxx" and you proceed to call our cell numbers!!!!!
Really, why is it that when I tell people "There is no cell reception at my mother's house, they refuse to believe it?
All this ranting aside (really, people just blog to get their bad moods out without keeping themselves in check, right? or is that just me? The MHW are so much better about being consistently cheery. Must work on consistent cheer.), we have two big things coming up for our family in the next few weeks. In fact, they are on August 20th and 21st and both are big deals regarding -our-family's-future-
The First: I work for a non-profit that is primarily funded through federal grants. Grant money is running short. The other day, I asked my boss "When is a good time to start panicking about not having a job." My boss is a wonderful man, but sadly he had to reply "Umm, now would be an OK time to start." So, I started to look at jobs, particularly one in Brooklyn. The job is the perfect fit except for the fact that it's not in Phoenix. My wonderfully supportive wife, was ok with the idea of having to move. I resist. I panic about leaving PHX. I freak out about not being able to contribute etc. etc. I put off applying. Then I get a phone call inviting me to do something pretty amazing here in AZ. It's not a job offer, but it's awesome. I'm not willing to jinx myself yet, so no details. But I'm really excited.
Yes, all that build up to not tell what it is.
The Second:
August 21st is our initial interview. Here's hoping I don't come off as a baby eater.
Monday, July 13, 2009
Frustration and Confusion Commence
We've sent in the pre-intake packet. Today we schedule our first (3 hour) interview. I'm a little wound up about the whole thing (not surprised, are you?). Most of my tension is just the weight of becoming a parent, but a little part of it is anxiety over the issues already popping up.
Upon reviewing our packet two major questions came up for the agency:
1- Do we understand that writing "any age" means that we would except a placement from hours old to 18?
2- Which program(s) are we interested in; foster, fost/adopt, adoption?
To address the fist question- YES. We get it and yes we'd be ok with an 18 year old. I know crazy, right? Actually wanting to house, care for, and love an older teenager. How dare we? (Do other people write: We would like a child who is 8 years, 7 months, and 16 days old please.)
And yes, I know that the needs of an infant and the needs of a teen are very different. I also know that we have lots of support and resources and willingness to figure out what our children need.
My reply (thank gd Len was the one actually on the phone giving a more polite response) "Well, you have three programs and gave us two options. And you're surprised the answer is unclear?" The form looked like this:
Which program are you interested in? ______Foster Care ________Adoption
Being most interested in the program that combines the two, we checked both.
This made sense to us, what's your problem?
I know it's really bad karma to put any negative energy toward this fist major interaction with the agency, but dear lord above!
Taking lots of deep breaths, thinking about our upcoming vacation, and knowing that things go the way they are meant to.
Upon reviewing our packet two major questions came up for the agency:
1- Do we understand that writing "any age" means that we would except a placement from hours old to 18?
2- Which program(s) are we interested in; foster, fost/adopt, adoption?
To address the fist question- YES. We get it and yes we'd be ok with an 18 year old. I know crazy, right? Actually wanting to house, care for, and love an older teenager. How dare we? (Do other people write: We would like a child who is 8 years, 7 months, and 16 days old please.)
And yes, I know that the needs of an infant and the needs of a teen are very different. I also know that we have lots of support and resources and willingness to figure out what our children need.
My reply (thank gd Len was the one actually on the phone giving a more polite response) "Well, you have three programs and gave us two options. And you're surprised the answer is unclear?" The form looked like this:
Which program are you interested in? ______Foster Care ________Adoption
Being most interested in the program that combines the two, we checked both.
This made sense to us, what's your problem?
I know it's really bad karma to put any negative energy toward this fist major interaction with the agency, but dear lord above!
Taking lots of deep breaths, thinking about our upcoming vacation, and knowing that things go the way they are meant to.
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
What age?
Nearly a week later and we are about half way through the 9 page, double sided application, excuse me, I meant “Pre-Intake Packet.” Yes, still procrastinating, but now it’s less out of fear and more from over excitement. Every time I think about it I get all excited and jittery and have to get up and do something else. We are actually going to do this! We have the will and the space and the love and it will happen.
Clearly, I’m feeling very optimistic today. This weekend we had a chance to see a handful of our nieces and nephews. It was wonderful, it always is. It reminded me that we can do this. Parenthood isn’t some great mystery that I am too stupid, queer, or broke to figure out. I know it takes a lot more than love and hubris, but I think we’ll figure it out and I know we have some excellent role models.
I’ve come up with an answer to the intimidating “What is the age range of children you are interested in fostering or adopting? This question appears on the “Child Desired” page, amid what ethnicities and what gender. I think we are going to write “any age” in the space provided.
We have talked a lot about the fact that, just like with bio parenting, whatever children find us will be the children that needs us. I’ve always wanted to adopt an older child. That’s where the greatest need is, I like older kids (I like little kids too, but . . . ), and that’s the image of parenting I’ve always had. Other girls dream about the baby bulge and morning sickness, I think about growth spurts and oppositional defiant disorder. I assume at some point we will have a small child, but I don’t know if that’s how we’ll start.
But, and here’s where my doubt and fear comes in, will an older child feel comfortable in a vegetarian, queer, no TV house? Will it be too much for a pre-teen to adjust to? I think it’s easier to be the child of a gay house if it’s always been that way and you’ve never expected anything else. Of course, that comes from my own experience and lack of social awareness that extended well into my teens.
I don’t have to worry about those questions! Those are things that will get sorted out between Len, the case worker, the kid (s), and me. What I have to do now is finish up this 9-page double sided pre-intake packet.
Clearly, I’m feeling very optimistic today. This weekend we had a chance to see a handful of our nieces and nephews. It was wonderful, it always is. It reminded me that we can do this. Parenthood isn’t some great mystery that I am too stupid, queer, or broke to figure out. I know it takes a lot more than love and hubris, but I think we’ll figure it out and I know we have some excellent role models.
I’ve come up with an answer to the intimidating “What is the age range of children you are interested in fostering or adopting? This question appears on the “Child Desired” page, amid what ethnicities and what gender. I think we are going to write “any age” in the space provided.
We have talked a lot about the fact that, just like with bio parenting, whatever children find us will be the children that needs us. I’ve always wanted to adopt an older child. That’s where the greatest need is, I like older kids (I like little kids too, but . . . ), and that’s the image of parenting I’ve always had. Other girls dream about the baby bulge and morning sickness, I think about growth spurts and oppositional defiant disorder. I assume at some point we will have a small child, but I don’t know if that’s how we’ll start.
But, and here’s where my doubt and fear comes in, will an older child feel comfortable in a vegetarian, queer, no TV house? Will it be too much for a pre-teen to adjust to? I think it’s easier to be the child of a gay house if it’s always been that way and you’ve never expected anything else. Of course, that comes from my own experience and lack of social awareness that extended well into my teens.
I don’t have to worry about those questions! Those are things that will get sorted out between Len, the case worker, the kid (s), and me. What I have to do now is finish up this 9-page double sided pre-intake packet.
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
July 16th, 2008
We attend agency orientation at a firehouse in Apache Junction. Same representative from social service provider meeting facilitates. (Which he does not normally do.) At one point he talks about the struggles he has had with one of his adopted sons. We both carry that story and talk about the nature of true parenting.
Spring 2008
Katie attends a social service coalition in which a representative from the agency gives a brief presentation.
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