It gets real

Good morning. It's actually 6:07 pm, but I used to have time set aside each morning to write, read, and sit in my big comfy chair. It feels like its been ages since I've been able to do this. But with Len off moving a dyer and the weekend ahead of me, I'll happily take my quiet morning time whenever I can get it.

From what I can tell, these moments are going to become even more rare.

We're at the point where adoption is imminent. You know how pregnant women get about 6 weeks to baby day and start saying "I am so ready to have this baby?" They are crazy. They may want to have the little tenant out of their tummy, but being "ready" is not a thing. Nope, I've decided no one is every ready to have another person pop into their family all "Hey! I'm yours!"

But that's the cool part right? You can't be ready because you never know what's going to happen and what and who your are going to end up with.

Reality struck our house this week, when a very dear dear friend came to visit. The realization that she would be the last person to crash in our guest room before it transforms into the kids room, the trip she made with us to Ikea to buy stuff "for the kids," and knowing that next time she comes to town, she'll be "auntie."

Len says we're pregnant. I've read a few articles about hormonal shifts and crazy physical stuff that happens to adoptive parents. But the thing is- our trip to Ikea felt incognito, no one knew that we were just like all those expectant big bellied Betties wandering around picking out nursery colors, at the grocery store no one asks us when we're bringing home our kiddo, and at work when I go chill to stress ball in a minute, no one thinks about the whole getting ready to have a child thing. It hasn't really bothered me so much, but it's hard for Len, at some point in her life, she had an image of herself as an expectant bio mama. This "pregnancy" is so quick, feels so covert, and is so unknown. I worry that she's missed out on something she expected. I also wish I had documented this whole process better, there have already been so many ups and downs, but I couldn't bring myself to write them, there was no time, I did want to examine my emotions, I didn't know how much I wanted who to know, and now I kind of wish I had written it all down.

Zoom, for all those who say Adoption takes too long, remember our past four months.

Yeah and my nephew who's coming to visit in April? He may already have a new cousin by the time he gets here. My summer might require navigating day camp options. I'm going to have to find a good pediatrician. Whoa.

Did other parents do this? Did you project into the year to come and think "next year will be my first birthday as a mom" or "I can't book falconridge (http://www.falconridgefolk.com/) tickets until we have a good idea of kid status." oofta! Or is it just me, sitting in this chair thinking that mamahood is about to happen, these morning moments about to disappear, and so looking forward to it?

Pick for Your Friends

OK, so two points to start with-
#1- we are more than able to afford the adoption/foster process in our state, its cheap and we intentionally waited to begin until our finances were stable and plentiful.
#2- We have lots of friends and family who are far away and want to help. I can't seem to figure out how to have them "help" us prep our house for inspection, etc.

So, Len and I have been discussing the material aspects of the early stages of parenthood. There are lots of things to buy in preparation for kidlettes and our friends keep asking and offering . . .

So what do we do?
Option #1
Have a baby shower for an undetermined child? I don't like showers so much and I think it would be really weird to have a party for an unspecified child, also i think our friends would just use it as an excuse to party . . . wait, maybe this isn't such a bad idea.

Option #2
Thank people for their offer and that's that. Yeah, but when I sent my new nephew a onsie I embroidered for him, I felt really special and honored when his mama and papa posted a picture of him wearing it on FB (thanks L and N!). AAAAnnd some of the adults I was closest too as a kid, were folks who I could associate with something they had sent me. Materialistic? Yes. My mom and I lived far away from our family and that black cat doll my auntie sent me- meant the world to me and I cuddled her whenever aunt barb and I talked on the phone. In fact, now when I think about how I know my aunty loves me that stuffed animal is the first thing that comes to mind. I want all of my friends to have to opportunity to celebrate and show there love to our kiddo(s) and yes, I'm ok if that means my child might one day see Jen and think "This is Tia Jenny Rush- she bought me my sleeping bag"

Option #3
Start a "baby" registry when Layna had her BeastieBoy, CCM and I helped put together the baby registry. It was kind of fun. It was also SUPER FUN to check and see what people had bought (I like presents, what can I say) However, if any of you saw Len and I's wedding registry you know that we are not so talented and have a hard time taking such things seriously (we put things like toilet paper and 53 dvds on our registry)

Option #4
Kickstarter/fundraising- I am not holding an adoption fundraiser like the goddlies do. Nope, nope, nope. I am, however, considering Len's idea to start a page that lets people know what we need and how much those things cost, I like that it also allows them to give us handmedowns of items and lets us name the wierd things that foster parents need that are different from what birth parents may need ex. we don't need a breast pump, we do need to remove our shower doors.


SO those are my thoughts right now. Maybe i'll let you know where things land.

Meanwhile-
we're three classes in
PSMAPP stands for "Partnering for Safety and Permanence Model Approach for Partnerships in Parenting"
we are awaiting our CPR and first aid cards
we meet with our new family specialist in 6 days

The Excitement

Glitter, sparkles, hot-cha-cha (not that kind, the innocent kind! geesh, you people!)!!!!!

That's how I feel right now. We've been stressing about wether or not we are worthy, if our family will pass the muster, if our sketches of the house are pretty enough, so much stressing- when today I got a phone call that said "don't worry, be happy, be excited- this is a fun thing."

Our classes start tomorrow. At some point, I'll remember the name and acronym for the classes, but not today. Today I will tell you how awesome it feels to have someone call me and say "Hey! You start classes tomorrow! Are you excited? Do you have any questions?" The caller (from the agency, not just a random motivator, but that would have been awesome too, in it's own creepy way) offered huge releif and made me feel . . .
Supported.

And that's a pretty big deal.

Only a touch of frustration

So, you know that thing when you write a long reflective piece, give it a few edits, start to really like it, and then your computer decides the battery is dead? Yeah, that happened with the first version of this post. But I'm not that annoyed. My front yard smells like a campfire, my kitchen is full of leftovers, and nobody lit themselves on fire last night (at least not at my house). All of this speaks of a very successful solstice and puts me in quite a holiday spirit.

Our first home visit was kind of funny. Both our family specialist and E. were very nervous. I can understand Len's nervousness- I was there all talkie-McTalking and she was probably terrified I'd say the very wrong thing and our house was in a bit of disrepair. But why was the caseworker so nervous? She always seems a little anxious around us. No, I don't think it has anything to do with our "family structure" or any prejudice on her part. I think that most of her caseload is families that only speak spanish. During this visit, she kept saying "I've been speaking Spanish all day." Switching languages can be unsettling. I have wondered if she was given our case because of our last names, just like why I never get credit card offers is English and why telemarketers are so confused when Len tells them she doesn't speak spanish. The family specialist is perfectly competent in English so may that's not why she's antsy around us . . . I will continue to observe and let you know when I reach a more final conclusion.

Anyway, the poor thing had been meeting with families all day and we were scheduled for the afternoon. Unfortunately, her arrival coincided with the ruckus that is school dismissal. One of my favorite things about our house is that we live right across from a big highschool. Twice a day the whole world of hoodies, hairdos, and pumped up stereos descends onto our street. I love the laughter, yelling, honking, and music. I really love getting to see the "fashions." But, for someone trying to physically get to our house via car- that is the worst time of day. And of course we had all the windows and doors open and the sound leaked into the house. She kept looking around her, a little like a kitten experiencing simultaneous fear and curiousness.

She walked us through tons of paperwork and then walked through our house.

The house walk through was a little embarrassing, but motivated me toward my "January= conquer the house" goal. So really, not a big deal.

The paperwork however, is the same obbs and gobbs of paperwork we filled out before, but this time with some new and frustrating gramatical ambiguities. Overall filling out the whole packet is quite a production in our house. I'm not so good with writing things in little boxes, I get numbers confused, I write the wrong letters in the wrong places, I have a very hard time reading and understanding the directions- Len has to reread and double check every paper I do. Its a bunch of blah.

But not so bad. What's really bad is the questions.

Here, you give it a try.

FUN BLOG QUIZ FOR YOU!
"As a child, did you get along well with them?"
(nope, you don't get to know who "them" is?)

"What rules cannot be broken in your house?"
(ummm . . . yeah think about it for a moment. Len said "gravity?")

"How are foster care and adoption different?"
(this one appeared to be a pop quiz thrown in the middle of listing who you lived with from age 2 and 8 months until 4 and 7 months)


"What are your concerns?"
(ok, if you're an anxious type like me, this is a very broad question and the answer involves koala bears crossing the highway and how long walnut mushroom bisque lasts in the fridge. There is no way my answer fits on the two lines provided.)

Home Interview #1 The Second Time Around

So, the agency didn't meet to review our case until . . actually I don't remember the chain of events. But, I do remember getting a call at work last week. i was in the middle of a full case review and was trying to facilitate positive strategy building among 7 people who don't feel so positive about each other and at that moment weren't feeling so positive about the clients. All this to say, I was quite happy to hop up and take the call.

Our case worker (who may not stay our case worker, the agency does this weird switchy thing after your case is rolling, I haven't been able to figure out the rhyme and reason), was on the other end, all quiet and timid like she is. She said- "I just wanted to let you and Elena know we've decided to move forward with your case." (See! There's that phrase again!) She's said it too quiet and too not-excited. I was excited.

Now I'm excited to finish up with my work day and meetings and dumb commute home (I have an afternoon meeting that makes my trip home all upside down) so that I can show this woman my terribly ripped up, mid-sink-wall-bathroom-roof-repair home.

I wonder what she'll say about the deep trench I've dug in the front yard and partially filled with wine and beer bottles? Or the broken plates stuck to the side of the house . . .

Big Day

Today is the day that the adoption specialists. . . placement case workers . . . whatever they are called, met today to review our case. Today they decided whether or not to move forward. That's a pretty big deal, right?

We had a few other big happenings today- as of today, my mom officially owns a house in Phoenix. She bought a beautiful two bedroom house in a historic neighborhood right near my favorite ACE hardware in earshot of church bells and less than 2 miles from our house! Moreover it has a wonderful guest cottage that one of our favorite friends might rent. My mom will also rent out the "big house" until she decides she needs to live there. Of course the hope in our house is that she will end up keeping that property as a rental until she finds somewhere in our hood to live (we have a ridiculous amount of pride in our neighborhood, probably too much). So, today we got the keys and my mom is officially the owner of a "second home." I can't explain it, but it makes me so proud of my mother. I think about when I was little and am amazed at how hard my mother worked to make our lives wonderful. She's done a good job.

This afternoon, our executive director let me know that I have a new title. A new title and a new office for a new job. I'm excited not to be the only one focused on my field, I'm excited to have only one job, I'm excited to take on this new role. It feels like finding a peaceful place in my career.

Also, today we were scheduled to find out about a major shift with our credit cards, we haven't heard back on this. Fingers still crossed.

Another thing we haven't heard about yet- the adoption. She said that she probably wouldn't call until Monday (in Phoenix, most places let out early today) but I was hoping we'd hear today. Either way, I know the decision has already been made. We'll know where things are headed by next week.

If all of today's good news in any indication- we'll be fine.

The Doctor Says . . .

Things you have to do to adopt that you don't have to do if you get knocked up:

-Get a Doctor's Note-
Today Len is dropping off two signed forms, both of which say she is medically and mentally sound to adopt a child. Ok, what they actually say is that her Doctor and Counselor don't have any concerns with the idea her being an adoptive parent. Yes, bio-parents should probably go to a medical practitioner at some point before obtaining their child, but there is something very funny to me about having to get a note.

Moreover, I'm amused that Len had to get not just one note but two, and I didn't have to get one at all. If you are at all familiar with our medical histories, you too will find this laughable.

Really- it's a bigger statement on how we (the America monster) regard behavioral health care. The formula was simple and ridiculous- if you have a behavioral health care professional that you consult, you have to go collecting signatures like a truant school boy (its true, Len had to dress up in shorts and straps and carry a satchel), but if you don't ever go to "see someone" about such things--> you don't need a note!

So, the fact that I'm positively bonkers goes undocumented! Phew.