Frustration and Confusion Commence

We've sent in the pre-intake packet. Today we schedule our first (3 hour) interview. I'm a little wound up about the whole thing (not surprised, are you?). Most of my tension is just the weight of becoming a parent, but a little part of it is anxiety over the issues already popping up.

Upon reviewing our packet two major questions came up for the agency:
1- Do we understand that writing "any age" means that we would except a placement from hours old to 18?

2- Which program(s) are we interested in; foster, fost/adopt, adoption?

To address the fist question- YES. We get it and yes we'd be ok with an 18 year old. I know crazy, right? Actually wanting to house, care for, and love an older teenager. How dare we? (Do other people write: We would like a child who is 8 years, 7 months, and 16 days old please.)

And yes, I know that the needs of an infant and the needs of a teen are very different. I also know that we have lots of support and resources and willingness to figure out what our children need.

My reply (thank gd Len was the one actually on the phone giving a more polite response) "Well, you have three programs and gave us two options. And you're surprised the answer is unclear?" The form looked like this:
Which program are you interested in? ______Foster Care ________Adoption

Being most interested in the program that combines the two, we checked both.
This made sense to us, what's your problem?

I know it's really bad karma to put any negative energy toward this fist major interaction with the agency, but dear lord above!

Taking lots of deep breaths, thinking about our upcoming vacation, and knowing that things go the way they are meant to.

What age?

Nearly a week later and we are about half way through the 9 page, double sided application, excuse me, I meant “Pre-Intake Packet.” Yes, still procrastinating, but now it’s less out of fear and more from over excitement. Every time I think about it I get all excited and jittery and have to get up and do something else. We are actually going to do this! We have the will and the space and the love and it will happen.

Clearly, I’m feeling very optimistic today. This weekend we had a chance to see a handful of our nieces and nephews. It was wonderful, it always is. It reminded me that we can do this. Parenthood isn’t some great mystery that I am too stupid, queer, or broke to figure out. I know it takes a lot more than love and hubris, but I think we’ll figure it out and I know we have some excellent role models.
I’ve come up with an answer to the intimidating “What is the age range of children you are interested in fostering or adopting? This question appears on the “Child Desired” page, amid what ethnicities and what gender. I think we are going to write “any age” in the space provided.
We have talked a lot about the fact that, just like with bio parenting, whatever children find us will be the children that needs us. I’ve always wanted to adopt an older child. That’s where the greatest need is, I like older kids (I like little kids too, but . . . ), and that’s the image of parenting I’ve always had. Other girls dream about the baby bulge and morning sickness, I think about growth spurts and oppositional defiant disorder. I assume at some point we will have a small child, but I don’t know if that’s how we’ll start.
But, and here’s where my doubt and fear comes in, will an older child feel comfortable in a vegetarian, queer, no TV house? Will it be too much for a pre-teen to adjust to? I think it’s easier to be the child of a gay house if it’s always been that way and you’ve never expected anything else. Of course, that comes from my own experience and lack of social awareness that extended well into my teens.

I don’t have to worry about those questions! Those are things that will get sorted out between Len, the case worker, the kid (s), and me. What I have to do now is finish up this 9-page double sided pre-intake packet.