It gets real

Good morning. It's actually 6:07 pm, but I used to have time set aside each morning to write, read, and sit in my big comfy chair. It feels like its been ages since I've been able to do this. But with Len off moving a dyer and the weekend ahead of me, I'll happily take my quiet morning time whenever I can get it.

From what I can tell, these moments are going to become even more rare.

We're at the point where adoption is imminent. You know how pregnant women get about 6 weeks to baby day and start saying "I am so ready to have this baby?" They are crazy. They may want to have the little tenant out of their tummy, but being "ready" is not a thing. Nope, I've decided no one is every ready to have another person pop into their family all "Hey! I'm yours!"

But that's the cool part right? You can't be ready because you never know what's going to happen and what and who your are going to end up with.

Reality struck our house this week, when a very dear dear friend came to visit. The realization that she would be the last person to crash in our guest room before it transforms into the kids room, the trip she made with us to Ikea to buy stuff "for the kids," and knowing that next time she comes to town, she'll be "auntie."

Len says we're pregnant. I've read a few articles about hormonal shifts and crazy physical stuff that happens to adoptive parents. But the thing is- our trip to Ikea felt incognito, no one knew that we were just like all those expectant big bellied Betties wandering around picking out nursery colors, at the grocery store no one asks us when we're bringing home our kiddo, and at work when I go chill to stress ball in a minute, no one thinks about the whole getting ready to have a child thing. It hasn't really bothered me so much, but it's hard for Len, at some point in her life, she had an image of herself as an expectant bio mama. This "pregnancy" is so quick, feels so covert, and is so unknown. I worry that she's missed out on something she expected. I also wish I had documented this whole process better, there have already been so many ups and downs, but I couldn't bring myself to write them, there was no time, I did want to examine my emotions, I didn't know how much I wanted who to know, and now I kind of wish I had written it all down.

Zoom, for all those who say Adoption takes too long, remember our past four months.

Yeah and my nephew who's coming to visit in April? He may already have a new cousin by the time he gets here. My summer might require navigating day camp options. I'm going to have to find a good pediatrician. Whoa.

Did other parents do this? Did you project into the year to come and think "next year will be my first birthday as a mom" or "I can't book falconridge (http://www.falconridgefolk.com/) tickets until we have a good idea of kid status." oofta! Or is it just me, sitting in this chair thinking that mamahood is about to happen, these morning moments about to disappear, and so looking forward to it?