Painting our Family Tree

Last night, weeks after painting the stark white trunk and branches, I finally began adding warm brown details onto the Aspen tree in southeast corner of our bedroom. It was wonderful to watch the tree begin to take life. It was only due to my responsible and loving wife that I managed to put down the paint and go to sleep. I could have spent the night adding lines and details. I had forgotten how much I love working with tiny brushes on large canvasses.

We originally put the tree on the wall to combat the homesickness we each feel from time to time. I know that as a married couple, we are supposed to be thrilled with where we currently are and constantly refer to it as "our home." We are thrilled with Az. We truly love the city (cities to be honest) we live in, but neither of us have been released from the hold of the natural beauty surrounding our childhood homes.

So, when the aspen is complete, we will be adding a maple tree to the west wall.

The arms and fingers of the tree had me thinking of "Rock-a-bye baby in the the treetops" and the todlers asleep in makeshift hammocks in Nic. I thougth about painting a room for a child (and about never, never leaving a baby asleep unattended in a treetop). Yes, we will be those Waldork parents who make sure their childs' room is properly and softly lazured, but I also hope we will allow our children to interact with their space and build there own castle. My mind continued to how one creates a room that a young teenager can claim as home without feeling the need to add posters and christmas lights.

***

My teenage bedroom was covered in Christmas lights and posters and the random doodles and notes from friends (thanks for letting me write on my walls, mom). I don't know how our landlord would feel about that.

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So many things to think about.

This week we have to fill out our formal "pre-intake packet" with the agency. We have to do it this week so that the orientation we attended last year is still valid. I've had the packet for two weeks, Len has looked through it. I haven't yet.

Yes, I'm procrastinating. It's purely out of fear. Have you ever filled out a job, college, passport application? It's terrifiying. Could my bad handwritting and dyslexia make some reviewer cringe and decide I'm not fit to parent? What if I get the answers wrong? Which of us is applicant A, which is applicant B?

It feels like the first test in the process and I know the process will be full of tests and emotional turbulence. Those of you who helped me through the adoption of Grumio (my chihuahua) know that I do not do well with "choosing" the one . . . haha, I think at times in my life that could be said for ALOT of things . . .

That said, bio families don't have to write down what age, gender, ethnicty their ideal child would be. I'm afraid that if we answer with "any" a reviewer won't take us seriously. They won't understand that we know don't want to limit the child that needs us from finding our home.

I almost envy a certain family member for his lack of "accidentially" producing children. Nobody gave him a test to fill out beforehand.

Maybe I just need to think of this packet as some form of procreation! It's like the "magical night of conception." Or maybe that was the orientation last summer? It's was nighttime, it was hot (we live in the desert, it's always hot), and it was at a fire station.

That counts as a steamy story!
Right?





*this post was an attempt to mimic the overly emotional and simpering tone of nostalgic and reflective entries seen in a typical MHwB. The "build there own castle" makes me want to gag. I made a point to end on an ill-fitting up note. The only thing I didn't mention was our prayers for a child. They're there, I just didn't feeling like disclosing them . . . I'll have to work on that.