Book of doooooom

So, here are a few updates:
We "put our hat in the ring" for two brothers, who had a pretty amazing life story- but our family wasn't chosen. The awesome = they now have a permanent family. The sucky = getting a phone call from our case worker that essentially was "you're family isn't good enough."

(Yes, I know that's not what is meant, blah, blah, blah all the comforting stuff one would say, but really truly and honestly- our family was not good enough for those boys, and that's ok, it's just hard to think about).

Our caseworker has gone from being impossible to get a hold of to being inconsistent. I'll count this as an improvement.

We're back to just waiting. But that is really hard for me. I've gotten to the point where I can't help feeling like- if I made more money, had a bigger house, was more christian, less gay, less talkative, more eloquent . . . etc, etc. But deep down and in all my prayers, I know that we will be mamas and we are just waiting for our kiddos to be ready. It's an excruciating wait. But we can handle it.

Even if we are in the "no" pile again and again, I know our frustration is small compared to how amazing it is for kids to find their families.

OH! I should write about the effects of a really shitty law in AZ that essentially means that we could always, always be "nos." I'll do that soon.

Also, I'll write a really pissy rant about the photo book of doom. But not right now, just thinking about it makes me angry.